Category Archives: On Being a Pastor’s Wife

How to Support Your Pastor-Husband

In my last post, I encouraged pastor’s wives to figure out their role. (click to read post)  One of the biggest life-long ministries you will have is to support your husband.  Pastors need lots of support.  Often, because of their position, most people think they have it all together and do not need a thing.  As his wife, you will know differently.  For pastors, life-giving relationships are something they need and don’t take for granted.  Below are some suggestions on how you can cultivate a life-giving relationship with your husband.

  • Pray for him daily.  Pray for protection from the evil one, pray for wisdom, pray for health and strength.
  • Meet his physical/practical needs – feed him, take good care of him (including physical intimacy).
  • Release him to do the things that fill him up once in a while – fishing, hunting, running, woodworking, etc…  I know that there are many demands on a pastor’s family, and it is hard to have him take time away from your family, but this will help restore and replenish him which will be worth the time away.
  • Be his biggest cheerleader.  Often we think that pastors don’t need words of encouragement, but they do!  Be appreciative of all he does to lead your family and your church.  Husbands need their wives admiration/respect.  Share specific ways you are proud of him.
  • Tenderly share constructive criticism.  It’s OK as his wife, to say the hard things and if you are known as being a cheerleader, then he will accept the hard things you have to say.  He may not like to hear them (who does??) but deep down he will appreciate it.
  • Talk to God the most, rather than your husband, about his weaknesses.  We all have weaknesses, and some won’t be completely gone until we get to heaven.  Our weaknesses are what keep us humbly reliant upon Jesus.
  • Bring him good not harm all the days of your life.  Proverbs 31:10-12 is high calling: A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.  Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” 

I know the above suggestions can seem overwhelming.  But, with some effort on your part and the Holy Spirit’s empowerment, you can become a wife your husband has full confidence in.  God did not make a mistake when he had you marry a pastor.  You can do it!  He believes the best in you and for you and so do I!

Your Friend in Ministry,

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Figure Out Your Role

We are in a series on the blog right now “On Being A Pastor’s Wife”.  This is the first of five posts of things I have learned about how to be a healthy and happy pastor’s wife.  Even if you are not married to a pastor, I believe you will be personally encouraged by what I share.  Plus it will help you to be a good support to your pastor’s family as well.  If you know a pastor’s wife (or anyone in ministry) who could use some practical encouragement, please pass the link to my blog along . . .

Aren’t you grateful for the creativity of God?  He has made each of us individually unique!  This is true of everyone, including pastor’s wives.  Thankfully the days of the stereo-typical pastor’s wife are over.  You know the well-dressed, soft-spoken woman who plays the piano.  (However, if that is you, be confident in it! -smile-)  I have known some wives who are actively involved in ministry, and some who are not.  One is not better than the other.  The most important thing is that you figure out what God is calling YOU to do as a pastor’s wife and then do it with confidence.

When I was in high school, I attended summer camp with our church youth group.  I will never forget the service where I sensed the Lord calling me to dedicate my life to full-time ministry.  I sure didn’t know what I was getting into, but I did instinctively know that it was going to be a life-long adventure (and it has been!).  I was called to serve the Lord in ministry before I married a pastor.  Although being a pastor’s wife is an important part of my calling, I would be in ministry whether I was married to a pastor or not.  Therefore, I wouldn’t consider myself your “typical pastor’s wife”, and at times, that has brought me great frustration.  Through the years, I have worked hard to accept the calling that God has given me to actively serve right alongside my husband.  Finally, a sense of freedom and confidence have replaced many of my insecurities as I have figured out my role in ministry.

In order to figure out YOUR role in ministry, use this little equation:

gifting + passion + opportunity = calling.

What spiritual gifts has God given you?  What are your natural abilities?  What are you passionate about?  What opportunities are available for you to use your gifts and passions?  By the way, this takes time to figure out and mostly by trial and error, so don’t be afraid to try new things.

Keep in mind, when you serve in ministry, there will be things you “get” (AKA have) to do that are outside of your “calling” every now and again.  That is just the nature of serving.  Try to keep a good balance between what you are “called” to do and what needs to be done whether it is part of your “calling” or not, because the bottom-line is we are “called” to serve.  However, I have found that serving too much outside of your calling leads to frustration, while serving too much only in your calling leads to pride.  Humility happens when you rely on God’s strength to help you serve in ways you aren’t naturally gifted.

Finally, it is important to note that as a pastor’s wife, often your calling/role will be secondary to your husband’s.  There has been many times where God has called me to step aside or take a step back in order to support my husband’s role and keep our family healthy.  For example, before our second child was born, I was serving as the Children’s Pastor at our church where my husband was the Associate Pastor.  I knew that, for our family, it wouldn’t work to have both Mom and Dad in full-time ministry, so I stepped away from two-thirds of the ministry I was overseeing so that we could keep our family a top priority.  To be honest, that was a difficult season for me, but I have never regretted one decision that’s been made to keep our family first before ministry.  As wives/mothers, these are the sacrifices God gives us the privilege to make.

Remember, if God has called you to be a pastor’s wife, He has also equipped you.  Don’t make excuses for or regarding whatever your role may be (especially based on other’s expectations of you).  Serve in confidence.  With God’s help, YOU. CAN. DO. IT!

Your Friend in Ministry,

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On Being A Pastor’s Wife

A few weeks ago, a 25 year old gal in our church got engaged!  Since we have a rather young church, that is not too unusual.  What is unusual, however, is that this is the first young woman in our church to marry a pastor.  She will soon become a pastor’s wife, as she is marrying a pastor from a sister church in a neighboring city.  Here’s a picture of the happy couple (photo courtesy of Ginny Taylor Photography – please excuse the awkward black frame on only three sides – that is courtesy of Kate Posthuma, not Ginny Taylor -smile-).

Courtesy of Ginny Taylor Photography

Aren’t they as sweet as they can be?  I especially love their bright blue eyes in the photo on the lower right.

As soon as I heard the happy news, I sensed the Holy Spirit leading me to take her under my wing and help her prepare for her new role.  Being a pastor’s wife is wonderful, but it also can be challenging.  I want to help set her up for success by sharing with her what I have learned over the past 18 years.

There are five critical things that I am in the process of sharing with her as we have begun meeting weekly:

  1. How to support your pastor-husband
  2. Figure out your role
  3. Do whatever it takes to be spiritually, emotionally & physically healthy
  4. Get some prayer support
  5. Find some monkeys in the cage with you

Join me on the blog the next couple weeks as I share more details about each of these five keys to being a healthy and happy pastor’s wife.  Even if you are not married to a pastor, I believe you will be personally encouraged by what I share and it will help you to be a better support to your pastor’s family as well.  If you know a pastor’s wife (or anyone in ministry) who could use some practical encouragement, please pass the link to my blog along.

Your Friend in Ministry,

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